Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
