I need help removing her.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
