One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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