I want to walk on stilts...naked
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
