Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
