remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize