No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
