i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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