I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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