Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
