Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
