ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm getting married
To pizza
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
