he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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