i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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