I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We need to rekindle our bromance
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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