Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
