We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
