Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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