I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
