somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
