lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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