is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
NoShamevember. You game?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
