He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
