did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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