6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have demons in me.
only if we run a train.
done.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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