You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
