just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
