ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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