Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
