You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
