Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
