playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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