I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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