my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
