The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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