Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
