I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So vagazzling was a success
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
