You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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