I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize