Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
