dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
