it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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