I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
