ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
