Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
