Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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