he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
