there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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