Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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