At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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