I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
