i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
