I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
