I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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