Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
