did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
