they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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