Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
