I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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