he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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