It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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