if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize