I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
