can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize