Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
