Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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