so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
