First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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