i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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