I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
